I am not sure if it’s true or not. I think sometimes it’s a natural progression when there is a lot of change in a person’s life, but I feel like I have a very short fuse these days. I have also noticed that I react very explosively to stressful events in my life and feel very overwhelmed very quickly by seemingly huge lists of what turn out to be simple things.
First of all, I had to make the adjustment to having a baby in my life. I felt I was adjusting well and actually lots better at it than I ever thought I would be. Then suddenly in July 2009 that all changed again when Terence passed. That change was extremely hard to deal with (understandably so) and I still deal with it every day.
Secondly, my boss quit at work, she was a good boss but work demanded too much of her and she made a decision to be nearer to her family. I am very happy for her to have made that move even though I miss her friendship. After floating around on the ocean of no direction, work finally hired a new boss last June. He is very dynamic and wants to make our department very efficient. We have always had a way of working, that was used when the facility was much smaller than it is now and we bumbled through with teamwork, but we have gone so much further beyond that and our new boss doesn’t want us to work like that anymore. So much fell back on us as a department and he says he wants change in other departments to carry their own weight and responsibilities. Not an easy task and it is being met with much stubbornness. Within the department things are tense and morale appears to be as low as I’ve ever seen it. He sets new rules and sticks to them in order to create a fairer work environment, while old habits of favoritism continue and make others quite frankly pissed off!!
All this change happening makes for a very tumultuous existence for me, and seeing as I spend the majority of my waking hours at work, they see the worst of my short fuse. Then when I get home my poor husband sees the aftermath. I am sorry to him for that, but he is my best friend so who am I going to vent to? him. He wants to solve the problems for me, then that gets me in trouble at work, virtually castrating him from protecting me. (He has a very strong instinct for that)
I so wish I had control over this fuse that I have these days. Would a change of job help? I doubt it, it would be a matter of time before it all started again with different faces in different places. So, do I go and see a doctor and see if there’s some kind of magic pill I can take or something? I really would rather not do that. I’m not really suicidal or homicidal, and I worry about getting onto those kind of medications and never being able to get off them. So what next? Maybe this too shall pass. Perhaps time will heal things and the chaos at work will settle down enough so that I am able to enjoy going to work each day instead of wondering what crap is going to hit me in the face that day. Oh or perhaps a vacation…Hmmmmm All I know is that it had better hurry up and settle soon before I get fired lol